I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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