I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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