I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
