the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
