moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
