Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
