You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
