Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
