if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
