I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
