My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
