I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
