Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
