My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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