I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
