In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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