Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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