I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
