Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
