Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
