I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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