Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
