Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
