i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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