did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
