I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
