I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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