I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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