I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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