I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
