Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
