i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
