You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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