so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
