Say something about gay babies.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
