Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
