Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
