i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
