i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
