Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
