I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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