Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
