I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
