eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
