why didn't you poke me back
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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