i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
