idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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