I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
