They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
