she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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