In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
